i love you guys!

i just have to say i have the best friends in the world. i just had the worst day EVER and all my friends are being so supportive and comforting. i mean, they have a lot of the same shit to go through so i know how busy and stressed they are too but they still take the time to check in on me and make sure i'm doing ok. they're willing to let me copy their homework if it means that i'll get a couple extra hours of sleep, because they worry about me wearing myself out or overdosing on caffeine or something. they're exhausted themselves but they tell me to call them anytime, even if its 3 in the morning, if i'm having a breakdown or something. they have their own problems to deal with and i know that and i know how hard things are for them but they still take on the extra load of dealing with my problems too. even my sister who i never get along with is trying to help me out, telling me that i need a break, that i deserve a break. i'm going to go visit her for a weekend in a couple weeks. it'll be good for me. i need to get away from this, even if it is just for a couple days. this is hard. life is hard. i'm glad that i have my friends to get me through it though cause i don't know what i would do without them. i love them sooooo much!!! :)

Why do I feel like I just made a huge mistake?

Today, on my way to the job I hate, I made a stop at the job I love to drop off my letter of resignation. For once in my life I was trying to think logically about something. Why on earth did I think logic has anything to do with anything? Why didn't I follow my heart? And why didn't anyone stop me from making such a big mistake?

This could be the first big regret of my life...

I just want to be his

I'm his person. I'm the one he goes to. I'm the one that he talks to when no one else will listen. When everyone else will judge. When he is afraid. When he is ashamed. When he is confused. When anything goes wrong, he goes to me. I love that he trusts me so much. I love that I can be that person. His person. But I wish that I could also be more than that. When he tells me about the one that he loves, I wish that he was telling me about myself. When he tells me about the one that loves him, I wish that he knew that I do too. When he tells me that he longs to hold someone in his arms, I wish that I could be that someone. But I am a friend. A good friend. A trusted friend. I love that I am his friend, but I wish I was even more. I wish I was his everything.

All I have to say is...

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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THIS WORLD HATES ME AND I HATE IT TOO! I HATE YOU WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



i don't think i was meant for this life...

"Stars Fall On"-- Kids in the Way

The moon is hanging low tonight.
There's something different in your eyes.
It's a complicated notion,
knowing when to open my mouth and let my words flow freely.
And I'm watching the sky tonight.
The stars fall on, whenever I'm around you.
The stars fall on a million miles away.
Like me, they're falling at the words you say.
I'm asking for a second chance, praying that you'll understand.
It's a self destructive habit.
Constantly protecting myself, never saying how I feel.
--'-,-:@

"These Days" --Chantal Kreviazuk

What's this life anyway?
What's it to you and me?
What's it to anyone?
Who are we supposed to be?
Make me a storybook
Write me away from here
I need a different now

Where we can wear each other for awhile
I'll lend you my tears if I could borrow a smile
I'll get through tomorrow somehow today
Happy After...

Once upon these days

There's four roads to anywhere
Four ways to everything
We were unbreakable
We spoke our destiny
Let's take a moment out
Go were we never go
Let's make a new world now

Where we can wear each other for awhile
I'll lend you my tears if I could borrow your smile
We'll get through tomorrow somehow today
Happy After...

Once upon these days

Then one day we'll find
when we're looking back at this time
Wondering how we've come so far from this
When we close our eyes

What's this life anyway
What's it to you and me
What are we doing here
Who are we supposed to be
I'll take a better world
I'll take anything
I'll take our little world now

Where we can wear each other for awhile
I'll lend you my tears if I could borrow your smile
We'll get through tomorrow somehow today
Happy After...

Once upon these days

Come and stay a while

Beautiful oblivion, come and stay a while. Let me forget about what I love to hate and what I hate to love. Give me release from this looming cloud hovering over me. Relieve me of this pain I feel when I think about what has happened and what is likely to come. I don't know what will be of us, but I just want to forget. To slip away to oblivion until all theses puzzles resolve themselves, reavealing a beautiful scene. A scene where I can go to and be, not necessarily happy, but content. Content to know that things are right, that the pieces are aligned. I need solitude. I need rest. I need you, and it's like a bullet through my heart knowing that you don't understand. Maybe someday things will all work out. Maybe someday life will be different. But right now I just want to forget. And so oblivion, oh sweet, secure oblivion, please come and stay a while.

Lesson of the Day

Don't attempt to multitask when one of the tasks involves a large knife.