Broken

This hurts. I try to hate you, but I love you, and I hate it. You tear me apart inside. Everything reminds me of you and what you did to me. How can you go on like nothing ever happened? How can you pretend that you've done nothing wrong? You loved me too and you told me with your eyes that day. You lifted me up; I danced on clouds for days. But then you dropped me. And I fell, I fell, I'm still falling. This is killing me and I hate that you can do this to me and that I still love you.

Day 1 of summer and I have 1 pair of sunglasses, 1 sunburn, and 1 broken heart to show for it.

The Greatest Feeling

it's weird. it makes your heart heavier than lead but your soul light as a feather. it makes you anxious and excited but abnormally calm. it makes you see everything differently. things that used to annoy you are suddenly amusingly sweet. things that you never dreamed of trying are now all you can think about. it changes things. it changes you. it makes the sun brighter, the clouds softer, the sky blue-er, the moon more peaceful, the stars more bold. it changes the notes of your favourite song. it is a strange and magical thing. scarier than your worst childhood nightmare. more thrilling and exhilarating than that roller coaster you still can't believe you ever went on. more moving than the tears of a mother. it's part luck, part destiny, part fate, and part effort. or maybe they're all the same. it's everything you ever wanted and everything you always prayed you would never have to face. we want it. we need it. we strive for it. we run from it. we fear it. we dream of it. we think of it even when we don't realize we are thinking of it. it's what we live for. but more importantly, it's what we die for. it is a part of us. we are a part of it. it is us and we are it. it is love.

"Tongue Tied" --October Fall

Your head lays down upon this car
But I hate you for what you are
And what I have become
Fire burns within your lungs
So light yourself another smoke
And recreate what you call "home"
Make me feel like you care, moonlight shines
Down on your hair
And did I let you know how beautiful you look tonight
Your smile lights the sky
And all I ask is you save me your last dance...

Tick tock we dance to the beat
The clock spins, you spin into me
Feel my hands, I'm not shaking

Start flames to burn out
Start thinking out loud
Give me an ending
Then we'll stop pretending
If we stop pretending, we know where we're heading'
cause I said stop but I'm still spinning
They've said I've lost but I'm still winning
Burn quick and stand still
Speak slow to get though these words I couldn't
Say to you
I crack concrete falling down for you

Tick tock we dance to the beat
The clock spins as you spin into me
Feel my hands, I'm not shaking [2x]

Feel so t-t-t-tongue tied
I'm not shaking

SCHOOL'S OUT!!!

Today was the last day of school and what an amazing day it was! I did well on a bio test, i found out my marks in most of my classes and i'm quite pleased with them and, the best part of all, i walked home with the guy that i mentioned in my last post (the one that i like :)) and, the cherry on top of the sundae, the guy kinda asked me out. i say kinda cause we didn't set an exact date or anything but it has been determined that we will hang out sometime in the close future. :D anyways, for all the high school students out there i hope your last day of school was as perfect as mine and have an amazing summer!

"I Will Follow You Into the Dark" --Death Cab for Cutie

(i think this song is really sweet even though it's sweet in a creepy sort of way. plus it doesn't hurt that i really like the guy who first got me to listen to this song!)

Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark

The Storm

Rain pours down, soaking me right through. Chilled to the bone. Everything feels heavier when it's wet. My thoughts weigh down on me when I stand out here. The drops fall down and mix with tears. Thunder rumbles, windows rattle, the ground beneath me shakes. The foundation of everything I believe in is shaken. My faith is cracked. My hope trickles down the drain. Lightning flashes across the sky. Illuminates this endless street. Everything is clear. I see I have lost my way. But darkness stands strong, defeated only for a moment. And I continue to wander through this storm. Even my cries are drowned by the howl of the wind and quickly lost in this flood of loneliness. I am alone, and the storm rages on.

What do you do?

What do you do when you think someone close to you is making a huge mistake? What do you do if you think that they're building a trust in someone who you don't think is trustworthy? What do you do if you think that your friend is too naive to see what's really going on? What do you do if you think that they're going to get hurt? Do you let them do it? Do you let them make their own mistakes and learn from it themselves? Or do you try to stop them? What if you're wrong? What if your friend is right? What if they know exactly what they're doing? What if you only end up hurting them by making them feel like you don't trust their judgement? Tell me, what do you do?

hiding behind your wall

this place is so messed up. you are so messed up. you use me. you keep me locked out. you don't let me in till you're packed up to go, leaving your fucking mess behind for me to clean up. i'm tired of picking up after you. i'm tired of taking this shit from you. you fucking pretend to open up but you're still hiding behind your words. your words are beautiful, there's no denying it, but they're not YOU. they're only a part of you. be a fucking coward and shield yourself from our thoughts. keep the door shut, barred and locked. shout at us from behind your fucking wall. tell us that we don't fucking care. tell us that we're wrong. that we're out to get you. tell us whatever the hell you want. but you know it's bullshit. we know you're only lying to yourself. i'm not asking for you to break down the wall. no one's strong enough for that, i know i'm not. all i'm asking is that you open a window. just a crack. that's all i ask of you. all i ask for you.