Where to turn?

All my friends seem to have chosen me as the one they come to when they need to talk. When they're upset, confused, angry, depressed, or just want to talk to someone, they come to me. I don't know why. I'm not that great at listening or giving advice. I never said "hey guys, i want to hear about your problems!". They just came. They always come. And I don't mind it or anything. I love to help my friends in any way that I can. The only thing is I have my own problems. Sometimes I'm upset, confused, angry, depressed, or I just want to talk to someone. but who am I supposed to turn to? Most of the time I turn to music. I find that even if the words of a song don't exactly match what I'm going through, a lot of the time the feeling of the song is exactly how I feel. The rythme, the chords, the emotion in the voice of the singer. it all comes together and echoes what I feel. But sometimes I can't find a song to match me perfectly. something is missing. So more recently I've turned to writing. With writing I can say exactly how I feel. I just write it out and reread it and it makes sense. But then there are the times when I'm so confused that I don't even understand how I'm feeling. So that's when I've found lately that writing songs works. I can't write the music, but I can write the lyrics. and even though I still have trouble getting the words out, I usually find that the topic or the mood of whatever song I end up writing reflects how I'm feeling, which gets me started in the right direction. So if anyone was wondering why I've been posting songs, its cause they reflect how I feel. and any attempts to write my own songs, don't worry I'm not trying to become a songwriter.. it just helps me to understand myself. anyways.. that's all from me.. gonna be pretty busy this week so i don't know if i'll get to post again for a while. stay happy :)

Afraid

I'm afraid of not belonging, not fitting into this vaste world. But I'm afraid of changing who I really am just to make myself fit. Even more, I am afraid of the world around me changing. I'm afraid of the future. I'm afraid of a day when this day, today, is yesterday, the past, a distant memory, or worse, not remembering at all. I am afraid of forgetting who I am, who you are, who were are. But deep down I am most afraid of us never happening. I have a past without you, and I am afraid that if I cannot make you my present, my future will not hold you either. I am tired of being afraid. I fear the future, but more importantly I fear a future with fear. Get rid of this fear. Give me strength. Give me courage. Help me to be me. To love myself. To love you. To love us. I am afraid, but i am tired of being afraid. I will be afraid no more. I am not afraid.

"Lost" (a song written by me!)

I'm lost in this world
Got nowhere to turn
Keep spinning around
Keep feeling this burn

I'm spinning so fast
And all the while knowing
Whenever I stop
The world will keep going
This pain will keep growing...

I'm out of control
Will someone please help me?
Had enough of this game
And this hand that you've dealt me
Please hear me cry out
See me reach for your touch
Never wanted this life
It's too fast, it's too much

Pulled in every direction
My heart starts to rip
My feet can't keep up
Won't be long till I trip

I'll fall to my knees
Smash my skull on the ground
My head is still pounding
But someone's turned off the sound
It's too late when I'm found...

I'm out of control
Will someone please help me?
Had enough of this game
And this hand that you've dealt me
Please hear me cry out
See me reach for your touch
Never wanted this life
It's too fast, it's too much

I'm out of control
Will someone please help me?
Had enough of this game
And this hand that you've dealt me
Please hear me cry out
See me reach for your touch
Never wanted this life
It's too fast, it's too much

All I ever wanted...
All I ever wanted...
All I ever wanted...
Is lost in this world, just like me

never satisfied

i wish things would never change and everything was different all at once.

"Johnny Falls" --Hedley

Johnny Falls
He throws his hands
Into the air
Into these walls
He's freakin' out
He's got a gun
He'll get his way
He'll have his fun
You make a mess
You bruise my name
Try to cut me down
With every word you say
If you wreck my day
If you wreck my day
You son of a bitch you're gonna get some

And I'm tired
Of this stupid game
Of running in circles for you again
Don't blame me
For what I gotta do
I won't hate myself to be loved by you

Johnny runs
He shuts his eyes
He only sees
From nine to five
Don't let him down
He's got a gun
He'll get his way
He'll have his fun
All you wannabes
Don't have what it takes
To take a shot at me
To put me in my place
If you wreck my day
If you wreck my day
You son of a bitch you're gonna get some

And I'm tired
Of this stupid game
Of running in circles for you again
Don't blame me
For what I gotta do
I won't hate myself to be loved by you

Don't push me
Don't blame me
Or you'll be sorry
Am I getting through?
I won't back down
As of right now
I won't hate myself to be loved by you

See me cry
See me smile
See me fall
See me fly

And I'm tired
Of this stupid game
Of running in circles for you again
Don't blame me
For what I gotta do
I won't hate myself to be loved by you

Don't push me
Don't blame me
Or you'll be sorry
Am I getting through?
I won't back down
As of right now
I won't hate myself to be loved by you

I won't hate myself to be loved by you
I won't hate myself to be loved by you
I won't hate myself to be loved by you
I won't hate myself to be loved by you

"If We're All Alone, Aren't We In This Together?" --October Fall

Start up the engine
Lets get out by heading away from here
There's no next year for me here
Take hits and pass it
And let all the ashes fall to the floor
Once you have it all, you'll still want more
Take my innocence away, would they even notice
Either way?
My visions blurred, can you tell I'm a kid that was
Not into going to church?

The stars are burning out tonight
Do you think we'll stay this high?
And pick our favorite ones outside
Before this turns black
Lets burn away our past
And set this cruise control for crash

Start up the fire
Lets burn this place straight down,
Down to the ground
If no one makes a sound then we'll be fine
Use my lighter
In life we're the writers to our own books
I've written mine on lies and catch hooks
Lets dance around the mess we've made
Call someone up let's score an 8th
To sit and relax
There's nothing we can do about the past

The stars are burning out tonight
Do you think we'll stay this high?
And pick our favorite ones outside
Before this turns to black
Lets burn away our past
And set this cruise control for crash

Someone sees smoke, call 911
Lets let this burn until it's done
If we're all alone
Aren't we all together?

Don't walk away. lets let them see the
Mess that we became
Sirens flashing, here's the cops
Don't blame this on not having jobs but dreams
And I see things cause I'm not afraid to
Think outside the box
And now I'm shaking, I hope I'm making
Perfect sense so place your best
To see where I end up and oh my god this
Place is so messed up

Rip me apart to see my insides
Compose myself I'm not secure
And don't believe a single thing
That you have heard
Throw my pride into this fire
My confidence is dead, I'm tired
Who's giving up? (I'm giving up)
I won't burn out, I'll just burn up
And I was raised on excellence
Always taught to look my best
I don't wanna be just anybody
I don't wanna be anything you forget
Villains die and heroes live forever
Tragic endings get remembered
I don't wanna be just anybody
I don't wanna be anything you forget....

They won't forget you in the end.

"Caught in the Rain" --October Fall

It's a heart break, that you can't fix up
It's a last try, when you've lost your luck
It's a bad day, another bad day.
It's a last chance, when they've given up
It's a bad ride, falling out of love
Can you take it?
'cause I can't take it...

It's starting up and never stopping again

When the rain starts shaking the ground
I hope that you're ready now.
I hope you're ready for it when you
Get caught out in the rain. I hope you're ready now
For all the storms to head your way

It's a long drive, when you've got no gas
It's a cheap date, when you're out of cash
It's a bad day, another bad day
It's a feeling, when you've lost your touch
It's a plane ride, if on the right drugs
And can you take it?
Honestly, I can't take it...

It's starting up and never stopping again

When the rain starts shaking the ground
I hope that you're ready now
I hope that you're ready for it when you
Get caught out in the rain. I hope you're ready now
For all the storms to come your way

We'll find ourselves inside the raindrops
We'll fight the seconds inside every clock
What's keeping you from leaving?
The newspapers are reading
Get out save yourself before we're burning in hell
When sun is what you're chasing
But everyday is raining
Pockets full of silver dimes
I hope you're ready for this time...

just a thought...

It seems like the excitement of anticipation is often better than the actual experience. But does that mean that we would all be happier if the things we dreamt of never came?

Smile

(I actually wrote this a while ago but just never bothered to post it, but I read it the other day and decided I kinda liked it so now I'm posting it. don't know why i thought i should mention that but w/e)

A smile. It's a beautiful thing. A universal sign of happiness, peace, content. And still so much more than this. A smile is a painting of our emotions. Nothing is so powerful, so convincing as a smile. We smile when we reminisce of memories from our past, when we see the joy in the present, and when we dream of the opportunities our futures hold for us. A smile is yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Timeless. Everlasting. Always changing, but forever impacting. No amount of bad fortune and sorrow can erase from our minds a past smile. Even when our lives grow cold, the smiles we've experienced warm our hearts and souls, keeping us alive inside until a time when we can think of present and future smiles again. A picture is worth a thousand words, but a smile is worth so much more. A smile is priceless. A smile can be the legs lifting you up. The arms holding you tightly. The wings flying you to the top of the world. A smile can be anything. Everything. So smile. For yourself. For your friends. For the world. Smile.

<3 :) <3