sooo tired

it's funny how everything seems funnier when you're tired.. haha i wonder if the fact that everything seems funnier when you're tired would seem so funny if i wasn't tired! hehe.. i don't even know if that makes sense! o well.. basically i've decided that maybe what everyone has been telling me is true, and maybe i really do need more than 3 hours of sleep each night. i don't see why but i dunno.. maybe i'll try it! who knows, maybe getting a little sleep at night will change my life in some extraordinary way! lol.. w/e.. i'm gonna go take a nap.

In My Dreams

I long to dream of a better world. a world without war. without racism. without poverty. without hunger. Of happiness. satisfaction. peace. love. equality. Of sunshine on rainy days. Of laughter in quiet rooms. Of puppies in abandoned fields. Of friends. family. lovers. Of lives not clouded with suffering.
These are what I long to dream of.
Instead I dream of reality.
I dream of war. guns. blood. death. hate. I dream of poverty. hunger. tears. pain. suffering. I dream of murder. rape. torture. fear. senselessness. I dream of our world.
My dreams are no longer an escape from reality, but a reminder of it. The dirt of the world has tainted the most innocent, the most beautiful depths of our imaginations. The evils of the world flow like poisons, infecting our minds and souls.
And so at night, as I feel myself drifting to dreams, I pray for darkness in my slumber.
Sometimes, to cower in darkness is less frightening than turning on the light. Because sometimes, to live in darkness is easier than seeing the truth.

a piece of the wrong puzzle

Do you ever feel like you're just a piece of some puzzle? Like every member of society are each pieces of the puzzle, and together they form some picture? Only you don't fit. You are a piece of some other puzzle, accidentally placed in the wrong box. And the puzzle is complete.. the last piece in place.. and you are left over. You do not fit anywhere in this puzzle of society. And so you are thrown away, tossed aside, to hide the evidence that the puzzle is not complete. Because a puzzle is only complete when a spot is found for every piece. But you have no spot. And so you sit under some couch, not belonging to this puzzle. And you sit there and from your hiding spot you watch everyone admire this puzzle. The complete puzzle. The one that you don't fit into. You sit and wonder why you are different. Why can't you belong? Why aren't you the last piece of the puzzle? You wish in your deepest heart that there was a hole in the puzzle that you could fill. But every spot is taken. Every piece is accounted for. Except for you. And so you sit there, forgotten, unmissed, alone. And maybe someday someone will come along and find you. Maybe someone will rearrange the furniture and uncover you in your secret hiding place. Will hold you up triumphantly and proudly announce to the world that they have found the missing piece to the puzzle. Another puzzle. A better puzzle. A puzzle that has been missing one piece. And you are that piece. You are the last piece of the puzzle.. the one that completes the puzzle. Holds everything together. Maybe. Maybe someday someone will find you. And they will be pleased. They will be happy. Or maybe someday someone will find you only to throw you aside again, and replace the couch, leaving you in your solitude until someone else comes along and rearranges the furniture.
Have you ever felt like that?