Fear and Love

It starts at a very young age. One day the curiosity will overcome you and you will reach your hand toward the hot burner on the stove. Immediately you will realize the mistake of the decision and pull your hand back in pain. That pain will stay with you, instilling in your heart a fear of that red hot burner from that day on. Some years later you will again challenge your limits and disobey your parents in some way. The resulting spanking and harsh lecture will bring with it not only physical pain but the emotional pain of knowing that you have disappointed the ones that love you most. This pain directs you to follow the rules laid out for you, wherever they may lead. Fastforward a little and you find yourself falling in love for the first time. It feels simple, beautiful, perfect. It feels like this is where you belonged your entire life and where you will remain for the remainder of your life, whole in your wonderful happiness. And then it happens that you learn your greatest lesson of all. The love is lost and your heart is shattered. Your body aches in a way not even comparable to that hot stove as a toddler. Your soul cries out in agony far worse than the pain of a saddened parent. You are destroyed. From that point on you vow you will do anything to avoid that pain again. Your heart is closed to love.

Years after the time you first recoiled your burned hand from that hot stove you will learn another lesson: though the heat may hurt you, if you learn how to use it safely it can also help you. This source of such frightening childhood memory now allows you to cook and feed yourself and others. Again, the day will come that a rule is made for you but on this day you realize the fault of the rule. You understand that, while these rules are made with the best of intentions, it is possible that your parents and other authority figures are wrong at times. However, remembering the pain from your earlier years, instead of outrightly disobeying them, you challenge them. You negotiate and reach a mutual agreement. Both parties are content and the pain of disappointment is not felt.

So it must be for love. There may be times with someone you love when it feels like they have burned you more harshly than a hot stove, but if you choose to learn from these experiences you can grow strong in them. The one you love may have certain expectations for you that you feel are impossible for you to reach. You may feel great emotional pain because of this and for many other reasons, but if you choose to communicate and compromise pain can be avoided on both sides. And while the sting of a love once lost may haunt your memory for years to come, you should not forget the joy you felt from sharing your life with another.

Do not think of the pain in your life as punishment for wrongdoings. Do not fear it. Instead, accept the pain you feel, learn from it, and live your life to its fullest everyday.