Wednesday, May 23, 2007

i love you too (much)

he said that no boy could ever love me until i learned to love myself.
i will never be loved.
i hate myself.
i will never stop hurting myself, because i don't deserve to stop feeling this pain.
i wish everyone would just hate me too.
but at the same time i just wish someone would love me.

everytime you say "i love you", i say "i love you too".
i should really be saying "i love you too much".
you're trying to save me from myself, but you're killing me.

i think i need a new city. new friends. a new life.
so how come, out of all the schools that accepted me, i chose the one in my hometown?
i think i might've just made the biggest mistake of my life.
this could be the death of me.
or you could be the death of me.
most likely i will be the death of me.
i don't really care what ends up being the death of me, i just hope it comes soon.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

"The Way She Feels" --Between the Trees

She’s upset
Bad day
Heads for the dresser drawer to
drive her pain away
Nothing good can come of this.
She opens it there’s nothing there
is only left over tears
Mom and dad had no right she screams
as the anger runs down both of her cheeks.

Then she closed her eyes
and found relief in a knife
the blood flows as she cries

All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
Bite the lip just forget the bleeding

Curled up she’s on the floor
relief left her she had hoped for something more
from it
He leans down to comfort her
She is weeping and He
wraps His arms around
and around and around and...
The deeper you cut
the deeper I hurt
The deeper you cut
it only gets worse

Now she’s slowly opening...
new eyes...

Then she opened her eyes
and found relief through His life
and put down her knives

Then she opened her life
and found relief through His eyes
and put down
she put down her life

Thursday, May 17, 2007

On a strict no-food diet


I've lost 5lbs in 5 days. I just want for her to not make that face when I try on my prom dress for her.
It kills me that you know I'm starving myself but you still don't try to convince me to eat. Maybe it's because you really do think I'm fat, and you just didn't want to say it before.
Maybe someday when you tell me that I'm beautiful I'll actually believe you.