What can I say? I'm proud of myself!

IT'S BEEN TWO MONTHS SINCE I CUT MYSELF!!

:)

That is all.

The Last Post (for a while at least)

it seems i only really need this blog when things are really bad, which they're not right now. i kind of miss writing here. i especially miss when my writing was really good instead of just these "complaining about my life" blogs. like back when i was all dark but not desperate. but i definitely don't miss being dark or desperate. or empty. i was empty for a long time. numb. that was me. but now i'm not. now i'm better. but i don't need this blog so much anymore. i guess it's a good thing. anyways, goodbye for now!

High on Happiness

A few days ago I woke up and I was different. I don't know what happened. I took off my black nail polish. I went to my closet to find clothes to wear and had no desire to wear any of them. I searched through piles and piles of black and army green clothes, and realized that I really wanted a bright blue shirt. I was craving a bright blue shirt the way I usually crave chocolate or garlic bread. Bright blue like the sky. Full of possibilities. And I smiled. I smiled a lot. My friends couldn't understand why I was smiling when school started back up again. They asked me why I was so happy and I said "I don't know. Why not be happy?"
A couple days after I woke up a different person I also went to a youth group and I realized something. Actually I realized it in the car when I was listening to a song. I realized that the reason why I've been having so much trouble rebuilding my relationship with God is because I've been trying to make myself perfect before handing myself over. What I need to do is just give myself up to Christ and with Him in my life I'll be able to change. God will take me as I am, scars and all.
Yesterday me and a bunch of friends went downtown with big posters saying "FREE HUGS" and we gave out free hugs for hours. It was a huge success. I realized that I love to make people smile. That was the most rewarding day of my entire life. I feel like I'm high on happiness.
I'm floating right now. Life could not be better.