Dead To This World

fuck. i was doing so well. i hate this feeling. i'm trying so hard to be strong. i'm trying so hard to push these thoughts out of my head. i'm trying so damn hard. i try to concentrate on my work. it keeps piling up and due dates approach and it's not done. exams soon and i'm so far behind, there's no way i'm going to catch up. i know i need to work. i know this is important. i know, i really do. but i can't clear my head. i can't focus my thoughts. i'm not angry, even though it probably seems like it when i yell at the people who love me. i'm not sad, even though it probably seems like it when i break down and cry. i'm not tired, even though it probably seem like it when i sleep my days away. i don't know what i am. i don't even know. everything just seem so foggy. my life is like some movie i'm watching from far away. i feel so detached from everything. i know that my actions have consequences, but i don't feel them. i don't feel anything. maybe that's why i started cutting myself before. the pain was some kind of feeling. it reminded me that i was still alive. but now i feel dead inside.

fuck. maybe i should just kill myself. i'm already dead to this world.