call me, please

i leave my cell phone turned on 24/7. i say it's just in case any of my friends need to talk sometime. really, it's because i'm always hoping that you'll call. everytime i get a call or a message i'm hoping it's from you. you've only ever called me to return my missed calls. sometimes you don't even do that. i know you don't mean to hurt me. i know you're trying to get me to stop hurting myself. that's why i can't bear to tell you that sometimes you're the cause of the pain that you help me cure.

i can't imagine my life without you now, but sometimes i can't help but wonder if things ever would have gotten this bad if i had never met you. sometimes i think that if i hadn't met you, i wouldn't be alive at all today. but other times i think that if i hadn't met you, i'd be the happiest person alive today.

call me, please.

(i know you'll never read this, but maybe you'll call anyway.)

i love you. <3

p.s. i'll be changing the settings on this blog sometime soon so that it' not viewable to, well, anyone. it's just because i want to show my friends the "tellthemday" page but i'm TERRIFIED of one of them finding my blog and figuring out that it's mine, since my blog is linked on that page. it'll only be for a week or so and i'll probably continue posting during that time so anyone who actually reads this can read all the blogs they missed after i've changed the settings back to normal. sorry... :]