Sometimes...

sometimes i want someone to ask me how i am. i don't mean just ask the question, i mean really ask me how i am. really mean it. really care about the answer i give them. and when i lie through the smile i'm struggling to hold on my face, i want them to grab my hand, hold it tight, look me in the eye, and tell me to tell the truth. i want someone to tell me that they don't want me to hurt anymore. tell me that it tears them up inside when they see me tearing myself apart. tell me that they miss my smile, the real one, when my eyes would glow and the world seemed a better place just because of it. tell me that they would do anything just to see that smile again, to see me happy.

sometimes, that's what i want.

but most of the time, the thought of showing my true self to someone terrifies me.