Jump. Fall. Crash.

Jump. Fall. Crash. Heart shatters. Rain pours down. Green grass beneath bare feet. Crunch. Computers are taking over. Staring at screens. Eyes hurting. So tired. Always tired. Maybe I’d be happier with sleep. I wonder if I smile in my sleep. He doesn’t love me. His mom does. Maybe someday he will. I love his family. I love them more than my family. I’m a bad person. Pills. Hungry. Tired. Cold. Ice on my window. I should turn the heat on. When did I become this person? I hold onto pictures with all I have. Pictures look happy. I only ever smile when there’s a camera in my face. Fuck. Fuck you. fuck you for not loving me. Fuck you for loving me so much. I need a drink. I need a sharp object. A box full of sharp objects. I feel used. No I don’t, that’s a lie. No one uses me. Everyone loves me and appreciates me. Why am I so desperate to be miserable? Pounding. Head. Ache. Aching. Heartache. Heartbreak. Hearts suck. Love is a lie. I love you. oops I lied. We all lie. Deal with it. Screaming at the top of my lungs. Cold air. Breathe in, breathe out. For luck. So deep. I want to share your air again. I want to feel your fingers. I miss you. pining. Loving. Missing. Searching. Come back. Please? No? why not? What’s so great about post-it notes anyway? Jump. Fall. Crash. Goodnight.