i need Your help

i want to be happy. i want to feel Your love shine on my heart. i want to feel Your hands lifting me high above the troubles of the world. i want to feel Your power moving me from within, directing me in my life and the things that i do day after day after day. day after meaningless day. i know the days are not meaningless but without You in my life this is what they have become. day after day i struggle to pull myself from the comforts of my bed, i force myself to get up and survive the trials that are thrown at me, and then i return to my bed. this is all i do. day after day. and i know i will continue to do this until the day i die. but what will it gain me? what will happen to me? i will die. everyone will die. why does it matter if i die now or in seventy years? why does it matter how i die? why does it matter if i take my own life or if it is taken from me? either way i will lose my life. so what does it gain me to go on? i used to feel You, feel Your presence in my life, in my actions, in my heart, You were there. but now it feels like You let go. i feel anger and sadness, i feel depression and despair. i feel nothing. where have You gone and why have You left me? why can't i see You anymore? i miss You. i call out to You but i don't hear Your answer. i want nothing more than for You to tell me what it is that i should do. what would You say to me if i could hear You? i need an answer to this life. i need a solution. because right now my solution isn't getting me anywhere. then again, neither is my life.